Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
