Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
