i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
