I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize