i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
