So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
