So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
