I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
