...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
