No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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