he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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