got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
