I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
organizing the empties. That sober.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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