I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She even gives head with a lisp.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
