That's intense
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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