I think I am morally bankrupt
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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