Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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