I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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