Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We talked him into tasing himself.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
