You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
