if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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