In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
