she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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