You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
