new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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