im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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