like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i will never coherently bang her
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
