i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I need to sanitize my soul.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
