Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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