Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude i'm inner monologue high
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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