Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
