you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
