He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
