Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
