a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
