I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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