I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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