I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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