dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
