if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
