I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
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Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
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I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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