I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
