So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
