If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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