dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
