I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize