Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
