I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
