guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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