I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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