It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
