I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
