You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
