My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
How external is "for external use only"?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
