Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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