I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
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Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
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the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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