I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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