Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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