my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
