So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
