Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
