He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
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I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
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I just found a bag of teeth...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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