I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
