don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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