walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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