You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
