I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
