A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
