those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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