You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
