Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize