You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
