Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
