Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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